Shattered!!!

What does hurt mean? It is very, very subjective...For me, people may think they know me well but...

In my very own dictionary, the definition of hurt is:-

H - Having
U - Uncalled for
R - Ruffled
T - Treatment

Why is it that we always want the best for somebody and yet we are the one who suffer the most...

Why is it that at the absence of wealth and riches, people are more than willing to gamble their love and put their well-nurtured and unique relationship at stake...

I hope when the day that I've been waiting for, the day of glory, comes showing its face, things will be different and my cherished old friend will transform into somebody very dear that I used to know very well, somebody that I really, really miss and gosh...I can't wait for that someone to reappear in my life...really miss that "individual" so much...

The Cost of Waiting

Do u know what it feels to wait for something that never happens in the end? That's y my blog is titled that way...I am a person who likes to make people happy, likes to fulfill my promise and more than willing to do just anything...but is it too much to ask for something small in return...I just don't understand y people can give so much excuses to the point that they can really hurt people that are close to them...I can understand excuses where a person has got to do what a person's got to do...but I don't understand that sometimes just a simple small deed can't be accomplished because of too many tasks...where there's a will, there's DEFINITELY A WAY....doesn't it...I just detest waiting coz it consumes too much of my emotion...I used to wait a lot but it all concluded with happy endings, with promises kept...but as time passes, things change...but this same old me is still the same me...always hoping, always waiting, always full of love, devotion and faith...yet, i am now waiting for something with no return...

I'm not a pompuous, swollen with pride and conceited type of person...in fact I guess I'm a humble and modest kind of person despite all the worldly belongings, my versatility and ability...and I guess only certain selected few that have the privilege of acquiring my unending and torrential love...and YET, some seldom grasp and recognize the value of the advantage and the honor...maybe they forget to ponder that and always think that things will always work that way...as for me, all I want is for them to know how to treat and nurture my heart by just doing very undemanding and effortless action...is it too difficult???

In reality, this me myself and I, really realize that I am in a secondary position when in comes to ***** no matter what I do, no matter what I sacrifice for, no matter how hard I try, I will always fall second and never will I become a priority...y? Bcoz I choose that kind of life though it wasn't me who initiated it and thus, I have to bow to it and just endure...notwithstanding that, I still will be me...I will still do everything I can even if the treatment that I received is unequivalent...

This me has a lot of responsibilities on my shoulder and yet still very precise and conscientious about my "extra" responsibilities...my only hope...I will be loved, appreciated and valued FOREVER!!!

A Pure Affection

Why is it that sometimes I feel so on top of the world and at cloud nine and the next minute I'm just down the drain...whatever my feelings are, that's me...the woman that I am, the years that I left behind...but the little girl I was, is still there in me...I give so much love and want to be loved in return...sometimes too much love can be heart-rending because you expect too much from the significant other...that's y tears can easily be shed, coz of the strong emotional attachment...I know it's wrong and unfair, but every so often, it is hard not to wish for the well-deserved treatment and care that I've yearned for so long...if not, I will never know what my life would be having been treated just like what I have always wanted...can't wait for that day...no matter how long, I will wait and I will stay...

As for me, I would do anything and everything for people that I care and love most in my life..and will I find a person (other than my immediate family) who'll do that to me? Maybe it's a wishful thinking...maybe not...coz I intensely believe people can change for the better when they realize the value and significance of doing it...for that, I just feel like writing a poem tonite...

My friend, my L.I...

Would you always, be a knight? Would you always, make my day so bright?
Would you always, kiss away my tears? Would you always, chase away my fears?
Would you always, look at me this way? Would you always, laugh at what I say?

Would you always, miss me when I'm gone? Would you always, sing me your favourite song?
Would you always, keep only unto me? Would you always, love my company?

Would you always, hold me in your heart? Would you always, stay and never part?
Would you always, love me as you say? Then I would always, love you all your days!

Sometimes - I just need someone to talk to, to lend an open ear.
Sometimes - I just need to share my problems, and hope you are always there.

Sometimes - I just feel sad and lonely, and don't know what to do.
Sometimes - I pray with all my heart for a friend, and then, God sends me you.

Sometimes - I want to take a walk, and I want someone by my side.
Sometimes - I need a bigger shoulder, on which I can cry.
Sometimes - I just need a simple hug, to bring joy into my life.
Sometimes - I just need to remember, that you are always there for me!

Will you...will you...will you?

What Is It About IQ Tests?

It's not even 11pm and yet my eyes are flaccid of the droopy sort...I remember in Ramadhan 2007, I could stay up till 3am in the morning and woke up at 5am for sahur and yet still could wake up fresh and energetic in the morning for work...y? Only I know y...

I need to write this tonite...does IQ test mean anything to us? Of course, it does reflect intelligence and dignity...not that I want to fly my own kite for my 166 points (it's my second test though...)...it is about a cool, unruffled n blasé buddy who got 156 points and who seems like wanting to print copies after copies of the score and paste them on every tree in town and stick em on every door in the office building...you know my pal, gotta admit, you are smart and brainy without a doubt...if not, would I have a high regard, respect and think highly of u?

However, intelligence and astuteness are not quantified from IQ tests alone, they come from the heart, pumped out to the veins and to the brainy boiling brain...wow, am I a loquacious lot...

To my 156 chum...even if u scored 56 points, u are undisputably the most charming, the most stunning and the brightest star of all...proud of ya...

Friday The 13th n Valentine's Day

Didn't realize it was Friday the 13th yesterday...coz I was enjoying my once in a while previleged pre-weekend short getaway...not that I'm superstitious or anything, just that I just luv Friday the 13th...reminds me of my uni days in City of Halifax...made me laugh after all these stressful, strenuous and depressing 6 months...and yet today is Valentine's day...everywhere I saw flowers, banners and ads on this celebration...anyway, I don't celebrate it nor am I enjoying it...but I got flowers though...almost every year...wish they were from somebody else...

Life is for us to enjoy while we still can...but am I enjoying it...yup but not to the fullest...too many unfulfilled dreams, too many hopes, too many quixotic delusions, too much sorrow and misery...that's me...but I'm not being held back too much by those anymore, at least that's what I promise myself this 2009...I know it will be one of my best years ever...just like the previous odd years, especially 2007...yup I LOVE 2007, that explains my email, doesn't it? 2009 is the YEAR OF REBOUND...that's what somebody said...and true indeed...pray to God...

I wish that all my dreams, hopes and delusions will show themselves in "certainty" very very soon...and all the sorrow, misery and frustation just vanish from my life...at a nite like this, everything is so quiet, tranquil and serene that I can only hear the sound of the heart-wrenching song being played on my computer...though I am alone now, I feel the peace n stillness and all the good memories just come rushing back to my drifted mind..........nite