Independence Day...

31st Aug is our country's Independence Day...it was also 12 years ago, the day Lady Diana died in a terrible accident...it was also 2 years ago I celebrated it happily at my daughters' school...life was good and pleasant then...I am actually writing about this month of independence...

My life has come to a "real super independent" came 15 Aug 2009...it was also supposed to be our mini anniversary, so to call...what does independent mean to me?

1. I have to do every single thing myself, be it a man's job...do I have a choice?
2. I have to bear all the responsibilities...
3. I have to always be available for my kids whenever they need me and fulfill their wishes as much as possible to the best I can......
4. My emotional burden is more, no shoulders to cry on when I'm alone at night...
5. My sense of wanting to be cared for and be loved shoots up...
6. I have to work doubly hard...
7. Fewer people to call "relatives"...

I am a strong lady, am I not? Without a doubt, but I always lose to my emotions...I am an iron person in front of my clients, but when I'm alone, only God knows what I am facing all this while...can D understand this wound aching inside me...

That's y D, I always have high expectations of you, but you may not realise and always take it wrongly...all I want is a little kindness and appreciation and a shower of affection plus some extra attention...is that too much to ask?

My life now is not flatlined...sometimes I feel the worst, at my wit's end, but it's always opposite when I'm occupied and really engrossed with my job, talking to my clients, of course...and with you D, it can be on either extreme, thus, you do play a role in determining and moulding my disposition and frame of mind...please D, it's for our benefits...I need you to lend me a hand on this...

Independence that is...I guess I'll get used to it, after all, I have been independent throughout my life, being alone without parents and siblings although this kind of independence is somewhat different...only those who have gone through this will know...imagine breaking fast in a very solemn mode, sahur in a very hushed and tacit surroundings...

Independent I am...